Fear vs. Courage

So I stumbled on a couple of websites last night and quickly tumbled into the wormhole that is the Internet, and got super excited about what i was finding, as you can probably tell from just what I shared on this blog last night. There was so so much more too. I instantly felt rejuvenated by what I was reading and couldn't wait to share my findings. So here's some interesting ideas on the absence of fear vs. courage.

On fear:
Fear is not the absence of courage. Courage is acting in spite of fear. We are all fearful. Much of our fear may be carry over from our social conditioning from our parents, which is in turn social conditioning from their parents unless of course they have broken out of this pattern to live more consciously. This is of course the goal if you want live a mire fulfilling, meaningful life. so you know how I love lists....in the name of full disclosure, here are a few things (big and small and in no particular order) that I am afraid of:

I am afraid that...
-I won't have anything meaningful to say to people when I meet them.
-I will never find 'the one,' especially if I let go of my ex.
-I will never have a family of my own.
-I will repeat the patterns, for better or worse, of my parents.
-I will never find the thing that truly satisfies me.
-I will go broke trying to find it.
-I will disappoint and/or embarrass my family in the process.
-I am not smart enough or talented enough to make it.
-I will die having regrets for an unfulfilled life.
-I will embarrass myself when talking on the phone (odd, I know).

Pretty hefty stuff, for the most part. Most of these fears are deep seated, and many of them are related. An exercise suggested by Steve Pavlina (stevepavlina.com) is to take any one of these fears and break it down into ten steps, from least fearful to most fearful. So for example, I am afraid I won't have anything to say to people in social situations. I am afraid of the awkwardness that ensues. So I cope with this by texting with friends I already have who are far away rather than engaging with the people around me; I already know I have plenty in common with them so it's easier. An obvious solution to this would be to leave my phone at home. An ideal solution would be to talk to, say, ten people at a party. But both of these options are too scary for me right now, and they exist on a spectrum of scariness. Don't take my phone might be a 4 or a 5 on the scariness scale, while talk to ten people might be a 10 on my spectrum. So maybe a 1 would be take my phone but keep it turned off in my purse. This is still scary for me, but not as scary as talking to ten people or even leaving my phone home. The idea here is that you begin with small risks and work up to bigger ones. It might take me five times before I am ready to successfully move from leaving my phone off in my purse to whatever step 2 might be, and that's ok. Each time I am practicing positive risk taking and reinforcing this skill. At the same time, I am breaking the cycle in which the negative or safe behavior is reinforced, which in this case is texting with friends rather than engaging with my present company. It is not a fast process, but I am interested to see how successful it will be. Small risks like these may in fact be gateways to greater risks, and lead to a life more fully lived.

Ok so here is a quote I found especially powerful in my readings last night. It is by Helen Keller. Enjoy.

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable."

Well said, Ms. Keller. Isn't that how we should all be living our lives?