The First Thanksgiving

Well here we are...the first dreaded holiday season as a single lady. My fingers briefly contemplate writing the word alone. But I don't feel very alone. I am celebrating thanksgiving with friends, rather than family, in a city I have grown to love visiting. I am on vacation; I have no responsibilities. And while I do have someone on my mind, it is not my ex, and it is not a desperate longing I am feeling. Am I lonely? I suppose a little. I have woken up early, in someone else's house, and I am slightly at a loss for what to do. A small part of me wishes I was home, not in my mom's house, but in my own, in my bed, knowing what to do first and where to get a cup of coffee. But I would feel this way even in my mom's home, where I have spent many a Thanksgiving. I have come to associate this sense of disjointedness with the holiday. Familiarity is comforting. And soon my friend will rise, we will begin preparing the turkey and other crucial elements of our feast, we will laugh, I will find my coffee and perhaps a bagel too, perhaps even a mimosa, and I will be happy, if not contented. Probably happier than I ever was as someone's wife. This is the honest truth. And that is plenty to be thankful for. Here are some other things for which I am thankful:

-I do not need to make an obligatory side dish that no one except myself and my husband will eat, because it was not made by an Italian and does not resemble an Italian dish.
-There will be no blaring shoot 'em up movie, blaring over the Christmas music, blaring over children screaming.
-No floating between the masses, trying to help where I am unneeded and unwanted, no being pushed away or being made to feel guilty when I am not trying to help by the one I love. No awkward not-belonging.
-No subjecting myself to "we tease because we love." No feelings of rejection.
-No inlaws. Period. No expectations.

And finally:
-New gloves with finger holes in them and and mitten covers! Yay!
-New traditions (like mimosas while preparing a stuffed full of love and borsin cheese turkey!)
-Good company: New and old friends
-Alcohol! No judgment about drinking mimosas at 10 am. What can beat that?
-The warmth of family you have chosen and made your own.

I think I'm going to like this type of thanksgiving. I think I could get used to this. In my mind I am already planning my visit next year. I am not sad; I am not lonely; I am not missing him. I am grateful for what I have. I am satisfied with what I don't have, and I know at the end of the day, I am one of the lucky ones. I have a lot to be thankful for.